EDGEWALKER: "This whole House of Shadow infatuation is making you dumb."
SHADOWTHRONE: "Wrong! I was dumb LONG before!!!"

   Spoiler clearance: Toll the Hounds

   The Dying God wants to take control of the Redeemer in order to usurp Kurald Galain, and then claim the Throne of Darkness. Simple enough. Now, how do you stop this from happening?

   Anomander Rake decided to move the Gate of Darkness directly to the city of Black Coral. But the Gate is inside Dragnipur, right? How do you bust it outta that sword?

   There is a very precise plan. I just don’t understand what it is.

   If Hood himself is killed by Dragnipur, then he’s gonna be inside the sword and he will be able to summon all of the slain from his own realm to push back the “chaos” that pursue the wandering Gate in the heart of Dragnipur. Apparently, Hood accepted that plan... But then, at the very last moment, he says to Rake, “I have reconsidered.” What was that about? But you know Rake: he cuts him down anyway.

   This still doesn’t bring the Gate to Black Coral and the real world, though.

   Rake has to die by his own sword, then? Inside the sword, he’ll be able to bind the Gate – is that it? Both Hood and Rake sacrifice themselves to save Kurald Galain? Hefty price! Why not let the Dying God and “chaos” fight over the Throne of Darkness, and then just whack the winner of that clash?

   And what is Shadowthrone doing in that plot? He wants the Gate of Darkness to go to Black Coral, not stay in the sword?... What difference does it make for him? And those Hounds of Shadow – what do they want exactly? Why did they destroy an entire city? Just for fun?

   Dassem wants to kill Hood – and Shadowthrone knows that and uses it... But poor Dassem arrives too late and Rake has already “killed” the Lord of Death. So Dassem now wants the sword because Hood is trapped inside of it – but Rake won’t yield Dragnipur. Dassem has to kill Rake – thus enabling the “plan” to work out?! Could anyone have known how Rake would be struck by his own blade? And then, right after that truly epic fight is over, Dassem doesn’t even try to get his hands on Dragnipur (and Hood)... he is just helplessly grief-stricken and inconsolable. So, First Sword, you did all of this... for what?

   And what is that “cheat” Karsa is rambling about? How did Dassem cheat to vanquish Anomander? I don’t see it. As I’ve already stated elsewhere in this blog, my I.Q. score is much lower than Karsa Orlong’s. He gets things – and I simply don’t.

   Anyway, none of it matters because Mother Dark finally returned after millennia of absence – and helped save Kurald Galain.

   Lots of expendable and unimportant “generic” opponents were annihilated: 10 Hounds of Light, countless “soldiers of chaos”, and the Dying God himself. Good riddance, I guess.

   In Toll the Hounds, I didn’t care about any of the enemies. Hounds of Light? Dying God? Chaos? They’re all a big disappointment. Because Erikson is at his best when he pits people we’re invested in against other people we’re invested in – like the good people of Darujhistan against Onearm’s Host in Gardens of the Moon, or the Tiste Edur against the Letherii in Midnight Tides.

   All the enemies in books 3 and 4 are really ludicrous. Cannibals. Pedophiles. Psychopaths. Women who rape dead soldiers on battlefields. Caricatures... It’s definitely not as powerful as seeing real people fight other real people who just happen to have a different view of the world. That’s intense. That hurts. You want that. It’s too easy to just say “chaos” and then depict some vague wave of seething oblivion.

   When an author is telling me who I should hate in such a blatant, obvious way, my first reflex is always to boot myself loose of that “controlling grip” and root for the guys I was expected to hate. Love you, Women of the Dead Seed! Rock on, saemankelyk addicts! Yeah... But you can’t honestly root for “Anal” Yathvanar or nasty little Venaz, can you? So the author wins, most of the time... But if Malazans square off against Darujhistan, everybody wins – author and readers. I want more of that!

   We still don’t know who wanted the owners of K’rul’s Bar killed, or why. Who is this Humble Measure? Will we ever know?

   Too many people show up after Anomander Rake falls. 10 Hounds of Light, 5 Hounds of Shadow, 1 bear god, 1 undead dragon, 1 undead Seguleh, the Trygalle, Karsa, Samar Dev, Lady Envy, Sister Spite, Cutter, Barathol, Antsy, Karsa’s two daughters, and a dog. Jesus! Can’t a Son of Darkness die in peace?

   Challice’s suicide was a sad thing. Endest Silann’s death was sad, but also awe-inspiring. Chaur almost died, but now he’s safe in the Azath House – maybe Darujhistan’s next Tyrant? That’d be fucking hilarious! And Harllo finally returned to Stonny: that was great.

   Lots of characters in this book are irrelevant and add almost nothing to the story: Envy, Spite, Kallor, Clip, Rallick, Vorcan, Salind, Mappo, Silanah... And those Trygalle folks – what the heck are they doing? Where are they really trying to go?

   No army, and no soldiers. Maybe that’s what’s missing... Erikson’s best books have soldiers and armies in them.

  

Malazan Scrabble!

   So, that happened...

   (But the two of us each drew TWELVE letters at a time - else it would have been quite impossible, especially since we'd decided not to accept common words, like sword, horse, shield, mage, etc...)

Malazan Fancast: Kruppe

   Not going to attempt a complete Malazan fancast, because I couldn't invest three years of my life doing it.

   Still, Jorge Garcia (from Lost) is the only person fit to play Kruppe, isn't he?

   Spoiler clearance: Toll the Hounds

   Yesterday I was having a conversation about Erikson, and how each of his books is both part of a separate arc and a stand-alone story. One girl asked: “If someone was to read only one of these, which one should it be? First one?”

   And I immediately said: “Fifth book. Midnight Tides.”

   I’m still dazzled at how instantaneously that answer came out of me. Without the slightest fucking tiniest shadow of a doubt, Midnight Tides.

Apsal'ara vs Rake

   Spoiler Clearance: Toll the Hounds

   Apsal’ara attempted to back-stab Rake? Really? Gods below!

   Let’s check our old AD&D books, just for fun. I am curious. Could she have done it? Kill Rake with a knife in the back? Is it even possible?

   In the Legends & Lore book, I searched for a god that could be a good equivalent to Anomander Rake. The only one I found was Quetzalcoatl. He is the leader of a pantheon, he transforms into a dragon, plus he is Lawful Neutral (pretty much like Rake I guess). Now, let’s assume Rake has the exact same number of Hit Points as Quetzalcoatl: 400.

   The closest I found to Apsal’ara was a goddess from India: Ratri, “goddess of the night, thieves, and robbers”. Stats say she’s a level 15 assassin. Players Handbook tells us that assassins of levels 13+ do quintuple damage on successful back-stabs.

   Scoring 400 points of damage? Apsal’ara would need to roll a base 80 points of damage, in order to hit that 400-points mark, with her “quintuple”. It is NOT easy rolling 80 points of damage with a knife; in fact, I’ve never seen it. It would have to be a powerful magical weapon dealing 8d10 points of damage, or 4d10 +40 (yes I wrote that), and then she’d still have to roll her maximum...

   So, Apsal’ara, you’re right – it was a bad idea!

  

   Spoiler clearance: not applicable

   During World War One, in 1915 to be exact, an engineer named Fiedler invented the flamethrower. Now, our own Fiddler didn’t invent Moranth munitions, but he sure was the first Malazan sapper to shoot cussers with a heavy crossbow!

   I am thinking. Causing explosive or fiery mayhem, more than eight yards away? Fiedler. Fiddler. Is it just a coincidence?

   Spoiler clearance: Toll the Hounds

   Nimander & Gang don armor and head for the center of Bastion in search of Clip and the Dying God. Reading in my favorite coffeeshop, that song is playing on the radio in the background:

   Anything Could Happen... Anything Could Happen... Anything Could Happen...

   Can’t wipe the smile off my face. Twenty-Year-Olds... Human or Tiste Andii.

  

   Spoiler clearance: Toll the Hounds

   Epic battle inside K’rul’s Bar. Holy mother of a Kruppe! I just couldn’t resist the urge to draw myself a complete map of the whole thing – like in the good ol’ days of AD&D. So I read the entire scene again, and kept track of Picker’s movements, and Antsy’s, and so on and so forth…

   Just like every hand-drawn AD&D combat map, you look at it afterwards, and it’s one big undecipherable mess, but I still love it. Hood’s balls, what an insane fight! Thirty-three assassins (thirty-eight if you count those five decoy drunks that were in the bar already).

   Bluepearl was killed by one of the five drunk ‘nobles’.

   Mallet was killed by one of the eleven men from the corner room.

   Dying inside K’rul’s former temple – does it mean anything? Lemme think…

   Spoiler clearance: Toll the Hounds

   First dialog between Karsa and Dassem. Karsa says: ‘Malazan.’ Dassem says: ‘I am called Traveller.’ Then Karsa: ‘You hide your name.’

   Listen, Karsa, have you ever heard the real name of any Malazan soldier?