Poem Of The Month

Out of the dark night sky

rained down matter most foulll

and Kalam swore and wiped at his eye

wishing he’d brought a towelll

But the chute yawned above him

his way to the Mad Empress was a black hollle

could he but reach the sticky rim

he was but moments from his goallll

That Feel

   Spoiler clearance: Memories of Ice

   Ever since I first read Memories of Ice, there is one song that took a whole new meaning for me. When I listen to That Feel, I just cannot help but hear those few surviving Bridgeburners. Of course, the real subject matter of that song, is quite different; but don’t pay too much attention to its exact wording, and just ‘listen’ to the mood.

   Tom Waits is Sergeant Antsy – the one singing –, and then, you can hear Mallet’s deep tones in the background, and Spindle’s cracked voice, and even Picker, and Blend, and Toes… I must have listened to this one thousand times, in the last few years. I am perfectly used to it by now. I know exactly which voice is Picker’s, and which is Spindle’s, and so on, and so forth… What a great song!

   Tom Waits is an Ascendant, if you ask me.

   Spoiler clearance: Reaper’s Gale

   New twist! If Corporal Deadsmell is really to be taken to his word, the Shake are descended from distant Tiste Andii, with some K’Chain Che’Malle cross-breeding thrown into the mix... Shake well (just having fun here), and you get the strangest people ever created in the Malazan world.

   Truly wicked. Love it! It’s like finding a tribe of hillbillies mixed with gators – and some remnant of Blackfoot Indian blood.

   Just finished the chapter where Tehol is arrested by Evil Charlie Brown. Damn! Pretty depressing, I guess. But, you cannot help to think it was bound to happen: What if we took the most loveable character and put him in the same room as the most despicable character?

   And it’s Tehol alone. Without Bugg.

   We’ll see.

   Spoiler clearance: F**k it

   The word Fuck makes its very first appearance, in book number seven? Erikson never used it before in over six thousand pages, and now, boom, in Reaper’s Gale, p. 407, and again on p. 549...

   Well, fuck me. I thought these were family-friendly books!

   (Just kidding.)

   Spoiler clearance: Deadhouse Gates

   I’m gonna say something crazy. First time in my life. Here it is.

   The most important character in the Chain of Dogs, isn’t in the Chain of Dogs – it is High Fist Pormqual. Without this King of High House Stupid, there would have been nothing... The fleet would have been allowed to rescue Coltaine just south of Hissar, and that would have been a wrap, boys! No Sekala Crossing and no Vathar Crossing. No fights and battles. No Fall. No slaughtering of the Aren garrison. Zip. Nada. Rien.

   Sometimes it takes a super-moron, to permit a decent story, and give potential heroes the occasion to step up and make a difference. Weird. Glory and faith and self-sacrifice, all thanks to a monumental douchebag!

   Spoiler clearance: Reaper’s Gale

   Throatslitter is a nice surprise as one of the new anchor-characters. I like to hear him think. He is cool and he is scary. Yan Tovis is also much more developed now, which is great. I love that ‘Shake arc’ in there. Seren Pedac’s dialogue with Mockra (the Warren) is entirely unexpected, and totally exciting. Wow! Captain Faradan Sort and Beak are an odd match, but efficient nevertheless; Faradan Sort seems to always get stuck with weird powerful teens like Sinn.

   The Throne of Ice with Hood’s mortal body sitting on it: that was a perfect scene. One of the most chilling scenes in this book! Hood’s breath – his last breath.

   And two lines found on page 573:

   ‘Here’s your dread enemy, Emroth.’

   ‘More than you realize,’ the T’lan Imass replied.

Long Journeys

   Spoiler clearance: Reaper’s Gale

   Ragtag groups on long journeys to some obscure destinations are a staple of the Malazan world. Take Fiddler’s group in Deadhouse Gates. Or Lady Envy’s group in Memories of Ice. Or Karsa’s in House of Chains. Fear Sengar’s in Midnight Tides. Cutter’s in The Bonehunters. Silchas Ruin’s in Reaper’s Gale… It’s very much like a role-playing game indeed. Reminds me of my own ragtag group back in ’86: Dworl, my magic-user, and the mighty fighter Yohan, and the cleric Jalvik. We were quite dumb, though. But it was great. I don’t remember what we accomplished, when we finally reached one of our obscure destinations – but I seem to recall lots of dice-rolling and some messy arguments.

   Good times.

   But I love Hellian. Her ‘obscure destination’ is the best of all. Invading Letheras from tavern to tavern. I’ll drink to that!

   Spoiler clearance: Reaper’s Gale

   Seven hundred pages into Reaper’s Gale. I’d like to say this: the Tiste Edur are the worst invaders ever... The Letherii are dancing circles around them. I mean, the Romans wouldn’t have it. The Greeks wouldn’t have it. Nobody would have it but the Edur. Those Letherii guards are ordered to fetch Tomad and Uruth – and they barge into their private chambers with swords drawn! What would old Mark Anthony do? Five Gaul slaves barging into his room with swords drawn, because Caesar wants to see him? Mark Anthony kills the five obnoxious thugs. Later, he’ll just have to say: ‘Oh, these five? Killed them... Who cares. They’re just Gauls. We have a million of them at hand.’

   But the Tiste Edur continue to tolerate all that. I really do not understand. They let those guys keep their money and their influence and their positions of power, to what end? Isn’t that a bad strategy? They need some sort of Captain Kindly. A Captain-Kindly-of-the-Edur. One who has the balls to rise up and tell the Letherii: ‘Okay, listen up, you guys were vanquished, right? So we will crucify a thousand of you on every major road leading to Letheras, and then, you’ll behave.’

   When the Edur fleets were in Seven Cities, they were the most cruel raiders you’ll ever see. Slaughtered the Anibar. Genocided the peoples of Monkan, of Sepik. Why did they suddenly become so soft? Just cut off a few hundred Letherii heads – all the rest will start to work a lot better, then.

Moranth Sappers

   Spoiler clearance: not sure, let’s say The Bonehunters

   I love Moranth munitions. Especially cussers. Yet, I have to admit something. These explosives kinda completely spoiled the sappers for me. I mean the original sappers. We have never really seen them do their thing – the work they used to do before the Malazans ever met the Moranth. Digging tunnels beneath enemy walls. Punching holes through huge foundations. The whole Vimy Ridge experience. The galleries and counter-galleries. Being twenty-five feet underground, with pike and shovel, and suddenly hearing some digging sounds (and German accents) coming up from further down.

   Awesome shit. World War One certainly was no place for wussies.

   Hedge, Fiddler, Spindle, Cuttle and the others, could do all this stuff, for sure, I know. But they don’t do it anymore. There is no use. They just drill some hole and plant a cusser or two – or three, if it’s done by mister Jamber Bole, who belongs in the loony bin –, and that’s it. Ka-boom!

   At Pale, right before the Enfilade, there were lots of tunnels, yes. But we don’t see them. We only hear about them after the fact. After the collapse. We don’t venture into the darn things like we do at Y’Ghatan. But that’s another story altogether.

   Those Moranth, they are mysterious, to say the least. Barring Twist, there’s no individual characters in there. We only know the Moranth as a community. They stay put in Cloud Forest, that remote area on the coast of Genabackis, and never cause any trouble. Hood knows, they could easily conquer that entire continent! Overthrow the Malazans in Genabaris. Destroy Darujhistan (drop one flamer into one gas main, and... there’s nothing left). The Moranth could even annihilate the Seguleh. Fly over their island with a few squadrons of those winged beasts – then carpet-bomb it with eleven thousand cussers. Bye bye, First, Second, and the rest.

   But no. They don’t do it.

   As I said. Mysterious.

   Spoiler clearance: Reaper’s Gale

   Four hundred pages into Reaper’s Gale now. Somebody’s missing, isn’t it? Where is the Preda, the head of the military? Sure, it is a job for an Edur, these days – but who is he? Rautos Hivanar is head of the filthy rich. Hannan Mosag is head of the mages. Who has command of the army?

   Also, I had no recollection at all of that body-switching between Anaster, and Toc. I’m surprised by how blank I am about this. So much stuff happens! A normal human brain could never remember it all. Bits and pieces of the first three books begin to elude me already. Beru fend! Exactly how did Kulp die, and where? Was it Gryllen? I’m not sure…

   Last week, someone recommended I read George R. R. Martin... Yes, of course. Like I’m gonna launch my head into yet another multi-thousand pages marathon, and possibly remember merely half of it!

   Writers are underpaid, I suppose: that’s why the books are huge nowadays. The two hundred page novels may well be a thing of the past... Just one other guy like Erikson or Esslemont comes along, and I’m dead. See ya in Hood’s funeral parlor!

   The Old Man and the Sea, now that is an amazing story – and only a hundred and fifty pages. And Lovecraft’s longest? One hundred?

   Also, I wanted to tackle Balzac, before I die. Huh. That’s twenty thousand pages.

   What I’m saying, I guess, is this. Writers have been underpaid for a long time.