Spoiler clearance: Toll the Hounds

   I like Aranatha. Especially since page 371 when she is saying: ‘Do you feel me, Nimander?’ This sentence is so not medieval and yet so very damn cool. Erikson probably considered it for a minute, hesitated, and then decided to just go for it. Really gives us a good sense of who that girl really is: some sort of young Alanis Morissette, at the time of her first album. Wild and wise. (Actually I think she uses these words exactly, in one of her first songs.)

   Anyway, Crone said this funny thing about Rake’s kin: ‘The Tiste Andii are not a people prone to sudden attacks of joy, are they? Dancing into darkness? The wild cheerful cavort into the future?’

   I believe Aranatha to be an exception. She could very well do that stuff – she’s weird enough, isn’t she? Not as far gone as Sinn. Not as sad as Beak.

   Black sheep of the Andii, then. What’s not to like?

   Spoiler clearance: Toll the Hounds

   Good news, Malazan Geeks of the Fallen. I am currently working on my Malazan Monopoly board-game, although I wonder if somebody else had this idea before me? Parker Brothers and Hasbro, please don’t sue – I do not want to go to jail and not pass Go!

   I had the idea because of something Barathol said. ‘The Emperor was not one to cringe before professional monopolies of any sort.’ (Toll the Hounds, p. 435).

   In this version of Monopoly, each color is a City, with two or three districts in every city. Malaz City is the color Orange, and offers Lightings District, Riverwalk, and The Mouse. Letheras (Green) has its Drownings District, Creeper District, and North Tiers. Capustan (Red) boasts its Inner Square, Jelarkan Concourse, and The Green. Unta is Blue, the richest place on that board, with two locations instead of three: Noble District, and Marble Slope Road. Like in the regular Monopoly, one must own all of one color before starting to build Estates.

   Houses become Estates. Hotels become Castles. Jail becomes Azath. The four Railroads become the Imperial Warren (must own all four in order to cash in). The money will be Gold Jakatas – gonna buy two large bags of those plastic ‘pirate gold coins’ online.

   The ‘Community Chest’ cards will become ‘Deck of Dragons’ cards, with special effects on the game. The ‘Chance’ deck will be the ‘Lady’s Pull / Lord’s Push’ deck. I’ve already started to work on some cards. Here are two ‘property’ cards, along with two from the Lady’s Pull / Lord’s Push…

   Spoiler clearance: none

   There is a Whiskeyjack in the Bridgeburners, and there was one in Neil Gaiman’s American Gods, too. But it’s not all, because there are two different things called Avatar: the blue-people film, and also that famous manga about Airbenders and Firebenders and the rest of that Bender folk. Then (this is the funny part) there are three different ‘Night Watches’ to speak of – one in the Millennium trilogy, another in Game of Thrones, and yet another in Sergei Lukyanenko’s books!

   Night Watches are kewl, I suppose... I mean, come on, these dudes work nights (night is exciting), plus, they have to watch something or someone (watching is exciting).

   So, do not get too confused if there’s ever an avatar of Whiskeyjack in the Night Watch...

   Spoiler clearance: Toll the Hounds

   Two hundred pages along, and it’s great fun! Glad to be reunited with Picker and Mallet, and the rest of the old survivors. Rake is there, Mappo is there too, and we even caught a quick glimpse of Dassem or am I hallucinating? Anyway… should be good!

   Best line of the book so far? The ex-tyrant, Raest, is trapped inside Darujhistan’s Azath, and he says: ‘The stresses of owning property.’

   What a laugh.

   That bit about Rake becoming nothing more than a bureaucrat, was also pretty darn funny. Just imagine living in Black Coral and getting your tax forms…

   Opinions are good. Questions and analysis, too. But I could also just shut up and read the books. What Avas Didion Flicker said in Crack’d Pot Trail was probably a hint, if you think about it. ‘With our words we wear ten thousand skins, and with our words we invite you to do the same. We do not ask for your calculation, nor your cynicism. We do not ask you how well we are doing.’

   Still gonna keep writing these posts, though. My I.Q. is lower than Karsa’s, but my stubbornness is (possibly) greater than his.

   Spoiler clearance: Reaper’s Gale

   Finished Reaper’s Gale – and even though the conclusion was good, it wasn’t as crazy as the previous one, with The Bonehunters. Chaos and political intrigue in Malaz City trumps any chaos and political intrigue in Letheras. Why is that? Not sure yet… Maybe because Malaz City has (and always will have) a mystique of its own, due to Kellanved & Co.

   Three separate climaxes in this book, to be precise.

   The ‘Awl’dan arc’ closes in one giant deus ex machina: after a thousand pages, of plotting, and maneuvering, and after many battles, surprise surprise – everyone dies at the hands of an insanely large number of White Face Barghast. Uh, Hood’s garlic breath!

   The ‘Refugium arc’ ends in a strange sort of coitus interruptus: after a thousand pages also, Clip kills Fear, and Silchas Ruin sacrifices Kettle, stabbing her with the Finnest. That’s it? New Azath. So, huge build-up for (almost) nothing…

   The ‘Letheras arc’ wraps up very nicely, mainly because of many utterly likeable characters: Tehol, Fiddler, Quick Ben, Trull…

   There are four major threats, in and around Letheras – Icarium, Rhulad, Silchas Ruin, and that demon-god trapped in Settle Lake. Icarium basically takes care of himself. Karsa kills Rhulad. The demon-god, never actually awakens. And Silchas Ruin – holy crap! We now understand how fucking nasty these old Bridgeburners really are. Quick, Fiddler, and Hedge do kick some SERIOUS dragon / Tiste Andii butt, and Rake’s little bro doesn’t even have the time to deliver one single blow! And why did he zero in on those three guys exactly?

   Well, that’s it for Lether, land of the passive-aggressive douches.

   As for the Crippled God, I’m beginning to genuinely feel for the dude. If stupid mages from another world brought you to a distant foreign planet, against your will, I bet you’d be pissed, too. And the only visitors he ever gets, on his tiny isle, come to bully him! Remember Quick Ben sticking two fingers in the Chained One’s eyes? And Withal, who vigorously destroyed his hut? And Mael, at the very end of Midnight Tides? And, now, the best bully of all, ladies and gentlemen, I give you mister Karsa Orlong! (applaud).

   But Karsa also proved he is way more intelligent than anyone would ever have expected. He kills Rhulad on the Crippled God’s island. I must confess, I haven’t thought of that. So Karsa has a bigger I.Q. than me, at the very least…

   Is the Errant dead? Probably not. Still, after that ‘discussion’ with Bugg –, who knows? It was quite an evil backstab, what the Errant did with the altar, after all.

   Is Icarium dead? Probably. Killed by his own machine! So, to all of you guys out there who are building something in your garages…

Poem Of The Month

Out of the dark night sky

rained down matter most foulll

and Kalam swore and wiped at his eye

wishing he’d brought a towelll

But the chute yawned above him

his way to the Mad Empress was a black hollle

could he but reach the sticky rim

he was but moments from his goallll

That Feel

   Spoiler clearance: Memories of Ice

   Ever since I first read Memories of Ice, there is one song that took a whole new meaning for me. When I listen to That Feel, I just cannot help but hear those few surviving Bridgeburners. Of course, the real subject matter of that song, is quite different; but don’t pay too much attention to its exact wording, and just ‘listen’ to the mood.

   Tom Waits is Sergeant Antsy – the one singing –, and then, you can hear Mallet’s deep tones in the background, and Spindle’s cracked voice, and even Picker, and Blend, and Toes… I must have listened to this one thousand times, in the last few years. I am perfectly used to it by now. I know exactly which voice is Picker’s, and which is Spindle’s, and so on, and so forth… What a great song!

   Tom Waits is an Ascendant, if you ask me.

   Spoiler clearance: Reaper’s Gale

   New twist! If Corporal Deadsmell is really to be taken to his word, the Shake are descended from distant Tiste Andii, with some K’Chain Che’Malle cross-breeding thrown into the mix... Shake well (just having fun here), and you get the strangest people ever created in the Malazan world.

   Truly wicked. Love it! It’s like finding a tribe of hillbillies mixed with gators – and some remnant of Blackfoot Indian blood.

   Just finished the chapter where Tehol is arrested by Evil Charlie Brown. Damn! Pretty depressing, I guess. But, you cannot help to think it was bound to happen: What if we took the most loveable character and put him in the same room as the most despicable character?

   And it’s Tehol alone. Without Bugg.

   We’ll see.

   Spoiler clearance: F**k it

   The word Fuck makes its very first appearance, in book number seven? Erikson never used it before in over six thousand pages, and now, boom, in Reaper’s Gale, p. 407, and again on p. 549...

   Well, fuck me. I thought these were family-friendly books!

   (Just kidding.)